Thursday, January 23, 2014

20 year old me.

Dear 20 year old Liyana,

I can't believe that you are 20 years old now. The fact that you are not a girl anymore but a young lady is hard for me because I always view you as a teenage girl who always go crazy over simple things and do immature things that most of the people at your age won't even bother. I still see you as a girl who is sitting at the gazebo in front of the school doing her homework while waiting for her parents to fetch her. I still see you as a girl sitting quietly in her room reading teenage magazines and cutting all the pictures of artists that she like, paste them in her own passion books. Sometimes I see you as a disobey young girl crossing the roads to buy sweets and chocolates even though she knew it well that if she got caught by her mum, she's dead. I see you as a girl who is crying all the way for hours when the first time she was left on her own in the university, at that time surviving alone is like a nightmare. Looking back to all the memories you'd gained since the past years, I can't help but cherish them as one of the blessings in life.

I'm happy that you have grown up well. Of course you are not perfect, you make mistakes and you have flaws but it's okay you learn from them. When you have been burned by the fire once, you don't leap into the flames anymore. I'm thankful that you have met a lot of people along the journey, you met people from different backgrounds and cultures but you can cope well congrats. Even though there are times when you are hurt by certain people who are close to you just to take advantages over you, I'm happy that you can easily kick these idiots out of your life. You don't need them. There are some people who talks about you behind your back, don't bother about it as they are just a bunch of people who are insecure with themselves and  have nothing better to do in their life. Also, be grateful of your allies.  You have beautiful people around you, friends from high school that remains as the friends of your life, friends that you can view as sisters and these are the fortunes that are hard to find.

I hope you do well. I hope you do well in your studies, I hope you end up as a great lawyer or a great judge or a great lecturer or anything that a nation can be proud of. You have another 3 and a half year to go, use them properly to gain as much experiences and knowledge you may ever get. End your degree well, then if you have time pursue with master and phd. There's no limit in education and knowledge. However, I want you to have fun in what you are doing and what you'll be doing later on. I always believe in the principle "if you can't be a perfect student educationists will be proud of, at least try your very best to be the best version of yourself". I know that these days you always claim that you don't have enough money and I always calm you down by saying things like "Don't worry you can buy that when you work later on" or "You're going to have enough money one day when you start working". However, I discovered that you will never get enough on material things especially money. The richer you get, the more you spend on things. And I had read somewhere before "Jika diberi anak adam satu gunung emas pasti dia inginkan yang kedua". This means human will never get enough of what they have. They will always ask for more. There is a quote that goes, "If your dream is to be rich then you are not going to be rich". What I'm trying to say is don't do things for money, do things because you want it. Yes money is important but not as significant as a happy soul. People with billions in their pockets are not as happy as we imagine. At the end money can't buy everything.

I wish before you reach your 30's, you are already settle down with a family, an understanding husband and maybe few children. This is not a priority but I always believe a woman should be married before 30 years old even though I always with the principle of no marriage until 27. I want you to have a stable job, a good career, a few assets, be matured then you should start thinking about establishing your own family. This will take time I know but it's okay you have all the time in the world, enjoy your youth and be good. I want you to find a guy and be with him because you are really in love with his personality not because you are afraid of being single. There's nothing wrong of being alone, it's better than being with the wrong person. I hope you find a right guy that is worth waiting. A guy that will love you forever no matter how old or how ugly you'll become. Do not hurry on important things especially marriage. Take your time to get to know people better, make decisions based on that. I want you to find a guy that can understand you through your thick and thin. A guy who will accept all your flaws and will love you no matter what happens.

What I want you to learn? I want you to learn to control yourself. When you are mad, be wise enough to control your anger. When you feel like you want to explode, calm yourself down. You are at this age and people view based on your personality, your actions. I don't want you to be like those people who are old enough but act like a child. Maturity has nothing to do with the age. There are people who are in their 50s tapi still lagi gigih mengayat anak anak dara orang dekat kedai kedai kopi tepi jalan. At the same time, there are people who are at their teenage years but the way they act and think is like adults. Be matured. Don't just grow old, you have to grow up. When your heart is full of pain, full of stress, be strong. I know it's easy for me to write this down but I want you to know that you are in control of yourself. I don't want you to do things that you will regret.

After writing this long I still believe that I have a lot of things to write, to let you know and it will takes another few hours of non stop writing but I guess these are the things that I have in mind, things that I really wish you to be. I don't know what will happen tomorrow nor that I have the power to predict our future but I always believe that the road to success is already there. You choose the path. And I forgot to say this, don't worry about you being ugly and there are people who are more beautiful than you bla bla. Women blossom when they reach 20s and you are at that age hahaha. I know right like motif?

The end.

Lots of love,
your past Liyana.

1 comment:

Zara Nurhaidah said...

baca entry ni.. teringt umur sdiri.. zara dah masuk 24 plak tahun ni.. hoho