Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Serious relationship.


I promise myself that I'm going to finish my Malaysian Legal System (MLS) assignment by tonight as I need to send it this Monday. I've done it but hmm I don't know I just think that I need to upgrade it. The lecturer did not mentioned about any format what so ever so I was like oh it is just twenty marks and based on my own reasoning I just do it the way I answer my part b question paper  (which is also twenty marks) about three pages bla bla bla, then it turn out that most of my friends are doing like 10 to 15 pages. What the heck, I can't even understand the content of my 'precious' three pages assignment and they come out with 15 pages? woo. That's why I really really need to upgrade it, it's not that I'm being overly rajin ke apa ke, I will never be by the way haha.

But I have this 'issue' pent up inside me for like months, not really a huge serious world issue ke apa but I think I need to express it somewhere. I thought that this is probably the best place for this as it is quite personal. Ye ke? tak ah.

What is the issue? *drum roll* The thing I want to write about today is about serious relationship or some of you can consider it as marriage.

Zana is like my university friend, she is the closest to me and after some time we are becoming very close and fond to each other. She was used to be roommate and classmate during my foundation days and we are in our degree right now and yeah we are still friends. I met her almost every hour, the fact that she is my classmate and my project mate in every subjects is one of the reasons for us to be this close. She knows almost everything about me, who is my best friends, my family and other simple things that most people don't even bother.

Zana and me. Tak banyak kot gambar kitorang berdua jer, baru sedar T.T

We have come to the age or the era where we talk about marriage a lot. I don't have any valid reasoning for this but I personally find this topic very addictive and enjoyable. I hope most people feel the same haha. You might find this weird but I guess every person in this world will experience this. If you haven't reached this level well don't worry my friend, you'll be there okay.

These days, I keep asking myself this question: Am I ready for a marriage?  Sometimes the answer will be yes but most of the time I can hear a voice inside my head whispering "No you are not."

I did thought I was ready for a marriage. I was used to be young, I didn't think much you know erghh teenage issues I guess. But yeah back then I always thought I was ready to carry the responsibility of being a wife, and always thought I was matured enough to handle a serious relationship.

However after few sessions of 'cermin diri sendiri' and 'ukur baju pada badan sendiri' things, I realized that there is a very long way to go before I can confidently claim, yes I am ready for a marriage. The fact of me being single has assist me up in almost everything and it gives me a lot of room to be philosophical about marriage and love.

I think I got carried away. Few of my lecturers got married when they were early 20s or in their first years of degree, my mum got married when she was 20 plus other few adorable people I know and things went well for them. So I thought it is possible for me to be like them and have a happy life. Nampak tak betapa childish diriku ini? As I grow up, I discovered that well it's not that simple. There are so many things to be considered and I am personally not ready for such commitments.

My mum is quite particular about this. I am a big girl now and we do talk about serious matters including couple, marriage etc. She always told me that I shouldn't get married too early probably because she didn't send me this far for that reason. I just can relate by the talks she gaves me, she wants me to enjoy my life well and achieves all the dreams that I want. I am still young and and I just believe that one day by hook or by crook I will be ready for this.

To be honest, I do yearn for romantic relationship. But every time I think about that I can feel my head spinning, my brain tickling of reasons why I shouldn't be in a romantic relationship now. I guess I am not ready and that is the best reason that I can provide and it's due to several reasons:

I am aiming for a PhD in law like Prof Shad even though I don't know how and when I'm going to reach his level.
I have so many dreams to accomplish, these accomplishments need time and most of them can only be achieved when I have a job and money.
I need to have an excellent and well polished career.
Before I get married I need to be financially stable.
I am lack of experiences in probably everything.
I don't know how to cook, I am not patient enough.
I am in the process of 'berbaik-baik dengan Tuhan' and there are so many things to learn in terms of my relationship with the Lord.


See, there are so many things to be achieved. I have never buy anything using my own money, need to achieve that at least. A year ago, I never thought I would say this to a marriage but

I am not ready, yet.

And to Zana, I know we are both freaking out upon the idea of marriages and the possibility of not getting married, but well I pray that we will find ourselves a pious, great, manly, charming, man and the best father to our children. Ameen.

However, if I find a man who understands me please don't bash. I'm writing this as today right now. I don't know the future. Manalah tau kan esok lusa my prince charming datang awww, and I am insanely in love and decided to get into serious relationship and get married. Don't hate me. But as in right now, I view people as friends and that's it.

So, this is the part where I awkwardly end a blog post because I don't know what else to say. Bye,

2010 or 2011, can't really remember. Tapi for sure I look so innocent la kan back then haha.


Anonymous said...

Jadi mtang dlu la sblum fikir tntg nikoh. diri sndri pun xtrurus lgi =='

WSYen:) said...

Nicely put kak Yana! *thumbs up! :D

Anonymous said...

nice entry niee :D