Sorry for keeping this blog private for quite some time (if you notice laa kan). I have some problems that I'm not interested to share it today. So I know that I forgot to mention that I am actually at the very end of my second semester and the only thing that I must do before I can get home and rest for like four or five months is the exam weeks. Even so, I am proudly announcing that I only have three papers left to go and they gonna end on 6th April which is this Saturday. Yeayyy.
I know that I just miss home so much. That is the fact that I cannot deny. I miss everything and everyone I left back home my family, my friends, my enemies and so on but still I cannot help myself from feeling sad with the fact that I'm going to leave this Merbok very soon. I'm just sad that maybe I'm not going to be here again after this. I might be busy with my studies you know that degree thing is not that pleasant. Lepas tu kerja stuff ewwww. There is no doubt that I have gain a lot of exciting and memorable experiences here as well as few unpleasant things ermm but then who cares? Few bad things won't change much of your life and yeah I'm still living very well. That means I'm good kan? Although I complained a lot. I know that I talk a lot. I complained about the food, the weather or sometimes the language, the culture or maybe the people but all these simple things really help me well to live my life until today.
Imagine that I didn't get the chance to live here and pursue my studies, I may not be able to learn all these things. I may not be able to be here in Kedah and learn about the loghat utara which I think is very cool. Maybe I won't know what is cs, villagemall, tesco utara, tesco selatan or the hotest place in sp right now which is Amanjaya Mall *mata ke atas*. I may not know what is the meaning of 'bak hang' till forever if I didn't get here. Haha.I won't met all these super duper awesome friends who always laugh with me, who always laugh at my stupid jokes and not-so-funny jokes hurmm. Maybe I won't get the chance to learn with all the great lecturers here. I may not be able to learn how to interact with others, how to be patient enough, how to make friends, how to laugh hard, how to stop talking, and the most important thing is I may not be able to know that I have a lot of beautiful things in the world that not everyone have them. Sometimes you fail to realize that all these things can mean a lot to you. There is a saying that goes "You'll never know what you have until you loss it". So, appreciate :)
And the most important key that I learn here is to be grateful with what I have and what I have achieve. When I was in school, I have this kind of mindset that goes "If I didn't get the first in that thing that means I'm not good enough". Maybe this might sound weird for you but yeah I do have this illness when I was young. For example, each time I got my examination result and I ended up maybe at the second or third or fourth or whatever, I will blame myself for not doing well and I will form it in my mind that I'm stupid. Sometimes I work very hard to get something and at the end, I didn't get that. I'll feel very down, sad and my heart will be the most toughest thing in the world because I will keep questioning myself "Why don't you get that?" "Have you tried?" "How can you fail that?" and so on. Some of you might say "Wahh bagus apa at least dapat tingkatkan diri sendiri". Maybe. However, when you put too much pressure on yourself, they will bring you nowhere except regret and sadness. But please even if I ask myself billions of blaming questions, even if I cry for like thousand years, that are not going to change a thing.
Life I tell you what is not about effort all the time. Your effort must go together with some luck which I always call as "rezeki".
As the time goes by, this place has been like an 'eye opener' for me. I learn to be grateful with what I get. Even sometimes I failed to achieve what I expected, its okay because there will always be next time to everything. In some tests, I did not do that well but I still considered that as okay. Kadang kadang I left few questions and I know that I might fail the test but I always find ways to correct that. For example, as my tests end up like rubbish I will try to do well in presentations or assignments or maybe second, third test and so on. I did not get this kind of courage or motivation when I was in school. I don't know. Maybe because I was too young. I'm not matured enough and I do things without proper knowledge. Or maybe because it is school and we are like competing with each other and mostly yeah people will judge us by our academic performance only. So if you didn't do well you cannot enter university bla bla bla that old kind of thinking. Man, it irritates me so much.
So I guess I have say it all. Cukup laa kot macam dah panjang sangat pulak. Boring. Today, I am proudly announcing that I am proud to reach this level. After this I'm going to miss Merbok so much and all the people I have met. Insya Allah kalau ada rezeki kita di jumpa lagi di Shah Alam or anywhere maybe waktu kerja ke reunion ke apa ke. Three papers to go and after that I'll be completely free from all these law things. Yeayyyy.
This is my roomate Zana. And she's cute :)